Charm School

I really hate the socializing aspect of art life.

I suck at mixing. I am just not outgoing enough, weird enough, and ultimately not interesting enough to stand out in (or better yet, blend in with) a crowd of artists.

Went to some opening show tonight. I walked in and immediately felt overdressed and uncool in my black jumper. Everyone was tattooed and in cargo pants and seemed really loud and flamboyant. I found the one guy I knew and said hi. I couldn’t exactly cling to him like a life buoy so I went and looked at the exhibit. The room was maybe 20’x10′ which means the whole looking exercise didn’t take long.

It was crowded and hot and I couldn’t find where to get a drink. So I left.

An hour getting ready for 15 minutes of face time? Ugh. This is probably why online communities thrive. Perhaps there are courses for people like me.

My dream curriculum:

  • Core Chit Chat 101 – Modules include: Weather, Work, Neighborhoods, Current Events, Nutrition, and Pets
  • Socializing 140 – I’m a Loser, Baby: Techniques to not look alone in a crowd
  • Charm 220 – Putting the “Sin” in “Sincerity”: Mastering Advanced Flattery and Little White Lies
  • Charm 285 – Stop, Drop, and Roll with it: Handling Backhanded Compliments
  • Charm 320 – Hell is Other People: Coping With Pretentious Dialogue
  • Socializing 380 – Drunk/Sober and Drunk/Drunk Role Play (Elective)
  • Peacemaking 435 – You Had Me At Hillary: Staying Neutral on Politics
  • Charm 550 – Common Ground: Plowing, Sowing and Gleaning Contact Information
  • Thesis Course 570 – First, Do No Charm: Being Genuine in a Superficial World

Maybe next time I just need to find the drinks sooner.